So my mom and I took a vacation to Durham, England to go see my brother, whose college program made him study abroad here. It is one tiny town! I’m bored out of my mind now.
I guess family vacations are a thing of the past. A relic of childhood. It sounded fun in theory but…yea.
Dont get me wrong, it’s great to see the world, and I’m thankful that I am able to physically and financially. Always count your blessings. But that being said…10 days in this place!?!? What was I thinking?!?! #help #getMeOuttaHere
I feel terrible that my brother has been stuck here since May and will continue to be stuck here til August. I’m not sure how he hasnt spiraled into a mass depression. Because this is a fucking weird ass place. I understand why we revolted now!
Here is my list of grievances against England.
The sun literally never shines here. When it does, it’s for like 5 minutes. And then it gets cloudy and blustery and starts raining. Repeat all day every day.
No one smiles. …And if they do their teeth are kinda ratchet.
Everyone thinks americans are dumb and talk too much (all true) and yet they know everything about our politics, celebrities, news, views, etc, and they like all of our stuff.
Their humour makes zero sense.
I have started spelling things their way, against my will. (see above)
I have started ending sentences with the intonation going up, just like they do. Again, against my will.
The toilet paper is like sandpaper. Including the brand apparently used by the Queen. I’m sorry, if I was the Queen of fucking England, you can best believe the first thing I’d do is get me some quality American fucking toilet paper. Ain’t nobody got time for a chafed butthole.
There are slugs the size of fucking chipmunks. Everywhere.
Their weeds are thistles. Theyre spiky and unwelcoming. Just like the people.
People just walk/run right into you on the streets. They fail to acknowledge you as oncoming traffic at all.
They drive on the wrong side of the road, and all manual cars, so renting a car is out.
Everything is fucking expensive. 1 pound is about $1.50 of our money.
When I got here i asked my bro about the bar scene, and he told me that the pubs are just full of middle aged people getting shitfaced every night of the week. Like 40+ aged. I was skeptical, but seriously, monday-thursdays here are sloppier than we used to get at Towson. Old sloppy rowdy drunks. This is probably the best anti-drinking campaign for kids the world has ever seen. So there’s that.
As soon as the weather is above freezing level, the women, no matter age or size, ALL wear shorts so tiny that their butt cheeks hang out, as well as belly shirts. Also, according to my brother, aforementioned drunk women wear flouncy mini skirts on windy days that fly up around their stomachs and show their underwear. And they don’t try to hold them down. It’s just acceptable to walk around that way.
Every sink here has two faucets: one for hot, one for cold. And, each has a sign that says “Caution Extremely Hot Water”. Let me explain something to you England. In America, we have One Faucet. And this one faucet has hot and cold settings, thus allowing one to adjust the temperature of their water to their liking, rather than having one choose between 3rd degree burns and hypothermia. It’s quite the concept, really.
Tipping makes no sense.
- me: can we leave a tip ?
- waiter: sure how much?
- me: £8.00
- waiter: … uhh how about just £6.00? and proceeds to write that in.
…Who the fuck turns down money?
- me:putting change on the table
- waiter/cook: sorry we arent allowed to take tips.
- me: wait, rlly..?
Apparently over thwre 20% for a tip is outrageous because their waiters make minimum wage.
Let me try to make a list of decent things:
- Theyre very dog friendly, aka dogs allowed in bars
- no mosquitoes
- They have a lot of bunnies. Including some elderly ones I was very fond of
- They very clearly label all vegetarian options on their menus and are very concerned with being vegetarian friendly. I had a cook come out and explain that the dressing i asked for had fish oil in it and therefore wouldnt be vegetarian. Very considerate. they also label things like pork gelatin in candy. America just pretends it doesnt exist.
- They also seem to be somewhat concerned with chemicals in food and cosmetics. It seems the US doesnt care much about the chemicals we put in our bodies.
- People dont really seem to break rules. Stores arent concerned with theft and fences 3 feet high say “keep out”. People listen! They don’t steal! What is this?
…that’s really all I got.