Britain Part Deux

So i was just remembering when i wrote my “list of grievances” of England with my brother and I remember him commenting on how it was so funny that everyone follows rules so well there. like he was like this whole idea of Anarchy is like an American thing, like someone says I cant do something I have to do it. It’s not like that here. We then proceeded to pretty much go into every unlocked “no trespassing” area we could find.
i was watching trevor noah last night – and this is recent, only a few weeks ago did i feel healed enough from Jstew’s departure to attempt spending the night with this new guy – and I have to say it still hurts. It’s like I “settled” and married trevor after having this hot crazy adventure with jon my whole young life ha. Anyway he had this video of a guy in parliament stealing the “mace” whcih is like a stick that represents the queen that has to be there to make laws. so he starts to walk out with it and is like pardon me, and anothr dud is like sir, dont do that and hes like ok and puts it down. and trevors like, that was the most british heist EVER.

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Does anyone else love the way their dog smells? But dislike everyone else’s dog’s smell?

Dogs’ feet smell like Fritos. Most people agree on that. But the rest of the dog? I love how my dog smells. And I NEVER bathe her. Like actually  never. She just turned 12 and I last gave her a bath when she was a puppy. She smells just like… herself? But it is a good smell!!

#JonVoyage

Jon Stewart. How do I even begin to put into words what you mean to me?
I’ve watched for years as you’ve challenged thousands of political figures to a battle of wits, in which they’ve always found themselves completely unarmed. You have shown us the beauty as well as the ugliness of the world we live in, and you’ve done it all with such humor and grace and dignity, with such genuine passion, that you have inspired us all.
If you question that for a minute, just think back to your episodes. My freshman year of college was when I really became smitten with your show. And I’ll never forget that last show of the year in December 2010, when you brought 4 firefighters onto the show to talk about how the senate was failing our 9/11 heroes who were dying from cancer. It stuck with me. And there were the less somber, but just as memorable episodes. From absolutely berating Donald trump for eating his pizza with a fork and later berating Chicago for their “pizza”, to always bemoaning the guilt that Jewish mothers love to pour on their kids and whipping out your array of Yiddish words, to making montages of Fox News anchors making complete idiots of themselves daily, to revealing the conspiracies and cover-ups that the “real news” steered clear of, to almost breaking down in tears at tragedies that we all needed to cry about, you’ve showed me the way, all while making me laugh and think critically instead of just sending me into a spiral of hopelessness.
Through everything, you have been my guiding light through the bullshit.
And youre an animal lover. Could you be any more perfect? The best thing is, you don’t even think you are. You always belittle yourself, saying you’re not real news, you’re no better than anyone, etc. You are amazing. And I thank you for your part in my journey.

I’m heartbroken that you’re leaving, but I get it. Things change. That’s life. It’s what we choose to make of the change that defines us as a person, a nation, a world. We became comfortable with you, settling down on our couches to watch your 11pm take on the day’s events. We needed you like a security blanket. We couldn’t form our full unbiased opinions until we had seen your spin on what the real deal was. We flocked to you for advice. Jon, what do we make of these Presidential candidates? What do we make of this horrific massacre? What of this new law, these new regulations, this legal decision? Why is this night different from all other nights and we eat bitter herbs?

You realized you’d held our hands long enough; isn’t 16 yrs when kids go off on their own? You have to send them on their way and trust that as a parent, you have given them a solid moral foundation. After traveling to Jordan you began to see that there were other people who needed you more now – people you hadn’t already reached and probably never would reach by staying in your current job position. You knew that our lives could go on without you.

As human beings, I believe our purpose in life is to try to leave the world a better place than we found it. And you leave us all better than you found us.
Thank you, Jon Stewart.
#jonVoyage #jonStewart #dailyShow #dailyshowwithJonStewart #thedailyshow #thedailyshowwithjonstewart

“Chipotle is my life” : Feeding Yourself in Your 20s

When I was a kid, all I ate was peanut butter and jelly. My mom would make me a Pb&j for breakfast, and pack up another one for lunch, and then dinner would maybe be something different. This was EVERY DAY.

And when I say “as a kid”, I mean preschool through senior year of high school.

Yea, I’ve always been a super picky eater. I pick one thing that I love and just run with it.  In college I decided to become a vegetarian and start eating healthier – more veggies and fruits.

I realized I was finally a bit tired of pb&j, and now had no clue what to feed myself.

Then I discovered Chipotle. I know, I’m a little late to the game. I’d had it maybe 2 or 3 times before, back in the day when I ate chicken, but I never loved it. But I had never DISCOVERED it.

So now I eat Chipotle every day. I go EVERY SINGLE DAY after work.

I actually googled this phenomenon to see if anyone else was like me. I saw there was a “chipotle diet” or something like that, but otherwise, not much. Looks like I am the only freak out there 🙂

All the workers there know me and they know exactly what I get. I’m sure me being there everyday right on schedule is amusing. I actually got worried they were going to file a missing persons report on me when i went to England for 10 days.

They all know the drill: extra white rice, black beans, LOTS of fajita veggies, no meat, extra pico de gallo, extra corn, guacamole, and lettuce. Tortilla on the side. And usually an extra guac on the side. Big Spender, I know.

But I eat once a day. And I really savor this Chipotle. Like I take an hour and a half, maybe longer to eat it. Totally ridic, I know. My dog just rolls her eyes, knowing she has to wait awhile for a walk.

I know you think im a freak for eating once a day, but i eat a lot of food at that one meal. I mean I really put it away. And im not really into exercising. I sit all day at work, and this is how I stay skinny with my new slow 20s metabolism

This is actually very cheap. I also drink calcium orange juice, so with the $9.50 spent at Chipotle, once a day, plus the OJ and maybe some fruit occasionally, my yearly food bill is really quite cheap! Eating out is not extravagant unless youre doing it three times a day and at a pricier place.

Not only is it delicious, it requires no cooking, and it’s super healthy! Vegan, with onions, advocados, beans, cilantro… all good for you!

I’m OBSESSED. I DON’T DO ANYTHING IN MODERATION. Go all in or get all out man.

FOOD PORN.

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England

So my mom and I took a vacation to Durham, England to go see my brother, whose college program made him study abroad here. It is one tiny town! I’m bored out of my mind now.

I guess family vacations are a thing of the past. A relic of childhood. It sounded fun in theory but…yea.

Dont get me wrong, it’s great to see the world, and I’m thankful that I am able to physically and financially. Always count your blessings. But that being said…10 days in this place!?!? What was I thinking?!?! #help #getMeOuttaHere

I feel terrible that my brother has been stuck here since May and will continue to be stuck here til August. I’m not sure how he hasnt spiraled into a mass depression. Because this is a fucking weird ass place. I understand why we revolted now!

Here is my list of grievances against England.

The sun literally never shines here. When it does, it’s for like 5 minutes. And then it gets cloudy and blustery and starts raining. Repeat all day every day.

No one smiles. …And if they do their teeth are kinda ratchet.

Everyone thinks americans are dumb and talk too much (all true) and yet they know everything about our politics, celebrities, news, views, etc, and they like all of our stuff.

Their humour makes zero sense.

I have started spelling things their way, against my will. (see above)

I have started ending sentences with the intonation going up, just like they do. Again, against my will.

The toilet paper is like sandpaper. Including the brand apparently used by the Queen. I’m sorry, if I was the Queen of fucking England, you can best believe the first thing I’d do is get me some quality American fucking toilet paper. Ain’t nobody got time for a chafed butthole.

There are slugs the size of fucking chipmunks. Everywhere.

Their weeds are thistles. Theyre spiky and unwelcoming. Just like the people.

People just walk/run right into you on the streets. They fail to acknowledge you as oncoming traffic at all.

They drive on the wrong side of the road, and all manual cars, so renting a car is out.

Everything is fucking expensive. 1 pound is about $1.50 of our money. 

When I got here i asked my bro about the bar scene, and he told me that the pubs are just full of middle aged people getting shitfaced every night of the week. Like 40+ aged. I was skeptical, but seriously, monday-thursdays here are sloppier than we used to get at Towson. Old sloppy rowdy drunks. This is probably the best anti-drinking campaign for kids the world has ever seen. So there’s that.

As soon as the weather is above freezing level, the women, no matter age or size, ALL wear shorts so tiny that their butt cheeks hang out, as well as belly shirts. Also, according to my brother, aforementioned drunk women wear flouncy mini skirts on windy days that fly up around their stomachs and show their underwear. And they don’t try to hold them down. It’s just acceptable to walk around that way.

Every sink here has two faucets: one for hot, one for cold. And, each has a sign that says “Caution Extremely Hot Water”. Let me explain something to you England. In America, we have One Faucet. And this one faucet has hot and cold settings, thus allowing one to adjust the temperature of their water to their liking, rather than having one choose between 3rd degree burns and hypothermia. It’s quite the concept, really.

Tipping makes no sense.

Scenario 1:

  • me: can we leave a tip ?
  • waiter: sure how much?
  • me: £8.00
  • waiter: … uhh how about just £6.00? and proceeds to write that in.

…Who the fuck turns down money?

Scenario 2:

  • me:putting change on the table
  • waiter/cook: sorry we arent allowed to take tips.
  • me: wait, rlly..?

Apparently over thwre 20% for a tip is outrageous because their waiters make minimum wage.

Let me try to make a list of decent things:

  • Theyre very dog friendly, aka dogs allowed in bars
  • no mosquitoes
  • They have a lot of bunnies. Including some elderly ones I was very fond of
  • They very clearly label all vegetarian options on their menus and are very concerned with being vegetarian friendly. I had a cook come out and explain that the dressing i asked for had fish oil in it and therefore wouldnt be vegetarian. Very considerate. they also label things like pork gelatin in candy. America just pretends it doesnt exist.
  • They also seem to be somewhat concerned with chemicals in food and cosmetics. It seems the US doesnt care much about the chemicals we put in our bodies.
  • People dont really seem to break rules. Stores arent concerned with theft and fences 3 feet high say “keep out”. People listen! They don’t steal! What is this?

…that’s really all I got.

Hello world!

Yea, WordPress picked the title “Hello World” for me, but it’s actually perfect! See, I’m a Computer Science major. And in that world, each time you’re starting to learn a new programming language, you write a very simple program that just prints the words “hello world!” to get you familiar with how the all the new stuff works. It’s baby’s first words for Software Engineers.
Therefore, it is a very fitting title for this blog’s first post, since this is all about the struggle to go from a spazzy irresponsible college kid to a “functioning adult”.  This “recent-college-grad” phase of life (aka I’ve been graduated for two years) should let you start out simple. But instead it kind of throws you right in.

 So, hello adult world!